if only i could pay my bills with self portraits 😩

oatmeal has no idea how disgusted i am. soggy AND partial crunchy? ive got my eye on you alien

you wasn’t with me sweeping up the gym!

count calories? no, make them count you!

*asks where’re the la-z-boy recliners at IKEA*

parking inside the white lines of a parking space means to surrender. i say block the roadway; stand against opposition. stroll into walmart & thriftily buy your 2am snacks like a boss

damn cell phone companies. how am i to run through 6 gigs in 30 days?! conspiracy i tell you

am i the only one who rushes to use data on their cell phone plan the day the bill is due? i kinda try to get my moneys worth



I am drunk on my front porch and I think a lizard went into my shirt but whatever man have fun in there

when did I post this

(via grade-a-memo)

looked promising a buy until i saw the potential at the end. id totally get BESIDE myself & swear i could land that haha!

(Source: corgiblue, via grade-a-memo)